Thursday, October 18, 2012

In The Turn



 Failure. What so when you realize you are inferior? No matter, no matter. Nothing works. You just stay down. But cannot accept. But stay down. Inferior. So what now?

              You see? the struggle? Do you see the struggle? You are a beast as you see you are. Everything crumbles before you or you expect it should. You cannot be pinned.You cannot be humbled. So untamed, wild, vagarious, with just one blow, you fall, you lay, motionless, baffled, bemused, bewildered. How? Your mind clouds up. Your thoughts in shambles. Your body slumber. Like a hardened earth when in rain, you give in. You give up. Then, you look for excuses. Conditions, context, environment, situation or atmosphere all become your excuse. As if everything has, in a strange turn of events, fell against you. How? yourself? Are you an excuse to yourself, your demise?


                    You see, I am different. Unlike you, I don't hold such disillusioned idea of myself. But I have a simple belief. I believe when nothing works, when I just stay down, cannot accept yet I am pinned, I believe I am still alive. I don't feel beaten. I maybe beaten but I don't feel it. I just don't feel it. 

PULSE: The Train

"Hey Jimmy, look out!", someone called from a distance. Before

Jimmy could figure out who had called him, he felt himself being smashed against something large which knocked him off his ground.

He fell onto the platform with a thud, dead.



"Hey Jimmy, look out!", someone called from a distance. Before
Jimmy could figure out who had called him, his attention to the light

around corner . As the light grew brighter and came closer, he realised it was the headlight of an MRT train. This can't be, he thought, this is not happening.What he saw had made his heart drop and turned his mind hollow. The train, yes, the train has come off its track ,adjusted itself on the shiny platform and now, moving at an unstopable velocity, towards him. Jimmy wanted to move away and go to a place somewhere safe where the train could not hit him. Jimmy wanted but not his body. His body had not accustomed itself to this critical situation.It merely sat on the bench as Jimmy looked on in horror and desperation. This is not happening, he thought, i must be dreaming, I better be. However, he started to lose faith in his thought. He wanted to wake up if he is dreaming, he wanted to wake up and say to himself, " see! that had been a dream. Just a dream!" But now he knew he was not dreaming. He knew he was fractions of second away from a deadly collision that seemed to come forever.


Jimmy's eyes had never left the shining yellow light on the left headlight of the train. His eye sockets stayed fixed on that light as it grew closer and brighter until at a point where it came so close that he could have sweared to himself if he had stayed alive that he had seen something that made his both eyebrows drew close to each other, not in fear, but in curiosity. He had seen, in the light, a narrow path which looked very faint to his focused vision, weaving its way down to something very far and quiet which looked like a twilight zone. On the either side of path, there were arid land that had a lot of cracks in it. It seemed rain had not poured there for decades. To Jimmy, the scenary reminded him of the drawings he used to see in his little brother's sketch book. He remembered number of sketches like the water lilies merely floating on the pond as the rain poured, an aeroplane strolling past the clear skies above an open field where some kids are flying kites, an empty road through a dense forest leading to nowhere and there was more. Nevertheless, what he was seeing in the light had a striking resemblance to the empty road drawing. Of course,there were a lot of differences between those two literally but yet it felt like to Jimmy that the deeper picture was identical. What he saw then was a path under a light red evening sky that concealed the sun unlike the one he saw in the drawing where the sky was dark blue.


The path was getting larger and Jimmy could see more details in it now.

He could make out tufts of grasses on those infertile lands. Soon, skulls of dead animals partially covered under the soft red sands began to appear. Then, he started to hear noises but he could not make out where it was coming from. No he knew,he felt, It was coming from there. He revealed to himself then that he was hearing gusty wind blowing passed.

Then, something struck him, something unexpected had struck him.

He could feel the the violent chinook tickling his face and fluttering his clothes. He suddenly realised he did not know where he was and thus, he tried to remember where he was a while ago. However, he could not recall. He looked back and instead of seeing the people sitting on the train station platform, he saw the same stretch of road that was in front of him. what is going on,he asked himself but there was no inner response.